i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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