I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
