so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
