can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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