we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
