I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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