He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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