She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
