What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
