Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
