So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
