can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
