He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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