just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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