You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
