how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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