**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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