do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
