In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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