At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The best revenge is premature balding
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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