Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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