I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
