Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
