I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
