a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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