I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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