I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize