i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
