I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
