I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize