Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
