hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
