yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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