So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
