pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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