That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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