I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
