At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
