"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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