Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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