The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
