You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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