why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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