Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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