I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
