can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
