No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
