ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
