Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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