Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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