why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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