Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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