Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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