he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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