So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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