There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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