you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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