Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize